Monday, July 18, 2011

The Clampitts and The Brady's go a Camping!

This year,if we were to get a vacation of any kind,it had to be cheap. Back in the spring my BFF,Jessica,and I decided this was the year we would finally combine our 2 families,and go camping for a few days,make that 4 to be exact. We decided on Land Between the Lakes,on the KY/TN line,b/c it looked like half way for us,near Memphis,Tn,and half way for them near Bardstown,KY. Sure enough,when we mapped it,it was exactly half way. We chose a little known camp ground in the Federal Reserve park called Energy Lake. With the help of the resident keeper,we chose 2 sites perfect for her crew of 8,and mine of 4.

We planned for months,both in person,via email,and on the phone. We Mama's wewre going to make this the best vacation yet for our hard working husbands,and children. We both packed massive amounts of CRAP! Pure crap! Well,mostly ME,since this trip made time #4 camping for me,and the last time was 3 years ago with my inlaws and family. Growing up on a State Resivoir,Arkabutla Lake,we didn't HAVE to go camping! We fished and swam at will growing up.Josh,Henry,and Jessica however were old pro's at this. Joshes family vacations as a kid ment sleeping in a tent,Henry's family have a cabin,and Jessica is a Girl Scout,family camper,and Boy Scout Den Mom. I'd rather have HER in the woods with me than our men...shh..dont tell. We planned what foods to bring,who would bring what gear,and the like. So the day arrived,and we loaded up my FIL's borrowed camper and Tahoe,and set out for the wilds of KY!

We arrived way after our friends did. They already had their tent set up,fire going,and the kids were playing on the near by,{when I say near by,I mean 30 yards away,and we could see all of them there}. We arrived to our huge,shaded spot,and set about making camp ourselves. Granted,I was mainly watching everyone else and following their lead,since I had NO real clue what to do. I did get a lil pissy when Jess told us our sites,didn't have water hookups.well crap! time to figure out plan B on things. turns out,yes it was a pain in the ass for them to haul water up,but Jess brought these huge water cube things that held like ten or 15 gallons of water.And I had picked up a couple cases of bottled water,for drinking. she and I made a clothes line. with 12 ppl,it needed to be a HUGE clothesline.we strung it between 3 or 4 tree's and to be honest,it still wasnt big enough. Josh and Henry got the camper set up,and the AC turned on. We only slept in the camper,and thankfully had AC at night. Jess and them slept in the biggest tent Ive ever seen up close.with a family of 8,it has to be big,I reckon. The kids were hot,and tired from the 3 plus hr drive,so we decided to go swimming! there is a large size of the lake squared off for swimming,complete with teeny sandy/rocky beach.Fun for everyone.We adults could all stand flat footed at the barrier tube,so we rode herd on our young while they swam and frolicked in the brown,murky water. It was great,but felt like a bath tub in most places. Jessica and I figured out quick that since it was a small lake,and only a few boats,we could swim out way past the barrier,and find cool spots. BLISS. being weightless with my back was the first time in forever my back didnt hurt!

Supper that night was an interesting affair. I had assumed there would be tall grills to cook on. Not this site. We had a round fire ring,with a grate that covered half of it.So Henry and Josh rinsed off taters,and Henry put them directly on the grate. I dont think Ive ever eaten a better tater in my life.This,coming from she who can cook a tater! Then He grilled chicken Jessica had marinating for a day in some yum.And I busted open a bag of salad mix. WaaLaa,Supper. It was So yum! Then after supper,the obligitroy smore fixin's were brought out. Its great being a grown up at smore time! Better n being a kid. B/c with 8 kids around,and dual ended roasting wires{thank you Poppy!} the kids could cook 2 large marshamallows at one time,but only eat 1 smore at a time. So,lightbulb! Get a kid,whichever kid,to roast 2 at a time,and I set up a smore for them,and me,and they got to stand over the fire and roast em. Yes,I AM Smore genious!!! The Super Jumbo marshmallows we found at Walmart were a HUGE hit with the kids too!

Then shower,and dish washing time. Chaos soon commenced in this crudeish bath house. Imagine this,if you will. a small bathroom sink,you have to push the button down to make the water come on,a foot tub full of dirty plates,cups and silverware,a bottle of Palmolive,a large bath towel,a rag,and ingenuity! I had to wash these dishes in that sink that night. I didnt come up with a system that really worked,but somehow none of us got sick,and Jessica,Girl Scout Genious she is,had it all figured out by breakfast. 2 tubs with water,one soapy,one not,whaa laaa,clean dishes!!!

The next morning Jessica made pancakes for breakfast.They had set up the coleman stove,and since we BOTH forgot our griddles,Jess shelled out pancakes for 12 in a 9 inch iron skillet.I made coffee in the camper.My inlaws have this vintage electric percolater coffee pot thing. She brought her's that is metal,that you heat with a flame,but since Im still a novice,I stuck to the ' lectric one. 2 pots that morning were consumed! Thats when Henry told us about the SKUNKS! HUH? Whut,skunks? what the hell? yes,he said. he said he dosed off in his lawn chair after we'd all gone to bed,and awoke to feel something furry around his feet. In his sleepiness,he didnt know what it was,but then shortly realized,in the firelight,it was a pole cat! he said he kinda tensed up and didnt move,for fear of being sprayed. but they didnt bother him,they just rooted around in the trash and ran off. hmmmm.more to come on that later....
She and I had to run into town to pick up some forgotten items. YES,after ALL that,we forgot shit! I had to get NAME brand Dr.Pepper for Josh,she had to get baby wipes and powder. I hit the mother load of cheap UK Wildcat crap at the Dollar General. Came back armed with a new coffee mug,tee shirt,and UK sticker for my soon to be new car! Josh says Im just ate up with Wildcat fever. He's right! So,since we were HONGREY,we hit McDonalds for some lunch,shhh,dont tell the kids.Esp since they ate hot dogs and chips! That afternoon we spent several hours in the lake. It was pure bliss for all of us. We dragged back to camp in time for the Daddies to take a drive,and bring back some oak firewood for supper. on the menu, shuck roasted fresh corn,steak,and baked beans! Yum. Henry,who was the cook pretty much all weekend,can cook a steak!!! Nathan at like 3 ears of corn. He had a tummy ache later,duh,but Henry was impressed at his fierceness in attacking said ears! we learned a bit later,not all the ears made it into the fire!
So after the children were bedded down,we adults enjoyed a ngiht cap under the stars. Thats when we saw them. Them being SKUNKS!!! as in peppy la P-U skunks! One was munching on an ear of corn left under a picnic table by a child. Then,in the street lights,we saw 2 more! these ones were white!!! But obviously SKUNK!!! Josh,the brave man,was able to run the once under the picnic table off! But the sucker came back! I somehow voulunteered myself to chase em away! I grabbed my flashlight and walked over the wood beam into the tree's,praying all the way I didnt get sprayed! I grabbed me a large limb,per Joshes suggestion,and commenced to making vulgararities and waving motions at these vermits! All I could hear behind me was pure laughter from them! Then I saw it. One of them had turned its tail up! SHIT! Im bout to be sprayed! So I threw the limb at them,and RAN! I say I only run if Im being chased,well,now I've added seeing skunk butt to the list as well! They ran off,didn't spray,thankfully,and didnt come back,while we were up. However,at just day break,when I stumbled out of the camper to find a tree,and Henry,unknown to me,was stumbling for a drink of water, we saw em again! They had invaded all the way to the SITE this time. I dont know who was more suprised to see them.Me n Henry,or the skunks who scurried away!

That day,since it was over cast and too muggy for us to just sit around,we decided to visit a place n the park called The Homeplace. Its a real working farm,set in 1850. It was neat,to us adults,but until we got to the workshop,the kids were not really impressed. We adults could appreciate modern times with all of our conviences,like running water,indoor plumbing and TV.

We got back to camp,and swam some more. Poor Josh had gotten fried the day before,so he swam in a shirt. He is still really burned and even in the full ac last night,didnt sleep b/c he's in pain.He's got blisters on him. We adults voted to go out to supper on Saturday night. It seems that our full steam of thursday,had began to sputter by Saturday evening. I think its b/c we werent in our own beds. My mind loved the place,the memories made and what not,but my creaking back was in full on revolt! We went into town and ate at this great Mom n Pop fish house. Being from MS,I know good catfish,and that place has it. I think it was called Willow Pond or some such. We left full,and 2 jars of sorgum in tote! I also stuck some catfish away in a napkin,so I could have skunk bait! My camera died the night before,and I figured I HAD to have some proof of these suckers! I didnt have to get it out though,they came anyway!

Back at the "swamp" we made more smore's,and put the kids to bed early. We wanted some grown up time. Before that could happen,though,Caleb's words rang out! Look!!! Its a white skunk! He's running for your tent!!! Sure enough we look to our left,and see a white skunk scurring towards the Lyver's tent! Henry's oldest daughter flipped out!!! She was so stinking acred. this,a child who had just brought up a baby frog,was scared of the skunks! We told her they were scared of us,and if they wanted to attack us or spray us,they would have done it already! So she FINALLY said she'd go to bed,after we assured her Uncle Josh has a shot gun,and our camper was closer to them,than their tent... So as we adults are sitting there quietly talking,laughing,and carryon,they came BACK!!!and yes,ran towards the tent again.You could hear the boys say,LOOK,he's coming back!!! They thought it was neat,Im glad though that baby girl was on the other end of the tent,and we think was asleep by then. So,I was on a skunk mission that night. My goal was to get close,snap pics,and not get us all sprayed!!! I was mid way through doing just that,when one walked right up to me.I swear it was a mere inches from me.In the half light,I grabbed at anything that could be used as a weapon,I wound up with a scrub brush for veggies! I got a lot of hell for that too,like what were ya gonna do,Sarah,clean his butt?
After that close call,I decided to enjoy my slight buzz,and just simply BE. Not for long. the sucker came back,and crawled on OUR side of the beamed barrier. YEp. ALL of us adults were sitting in a line,and it climbed over by our fire,just rooting around.It LICKED marshmallow off discared wire skewers!!! NO LIE,yall. We ALL sat really still,till I grabbed my camera,thinking NOBODY is going to believe this!!! The skunk posed,as in it looked right at the blinding flash,and stopped. Probably b/c he was blind.but he didnt run off,even after about 8 snaps of the camera!!!
Shortly after that is when i decided to hang it up and go to bed!!! All of us did.

The next morning,chaos commenced. We had to resort our stuffs from each other,round up kids,avoid the massive amounts of yellow jackets that were swarming. half the kids got stung,Jessica wound up stung 3 times,Josh once. It was craziness,to be sure. Took us a full 2 hrs to load up and pick up stuff. Ever the duitiful Boy Scout Mama,Jess was telling the kids to leave no trace. Good idea,and allbut that ment I got to pick up ciggerette butts. not fun half hungover,to be sure. When we arrived,everything was neat,and organized. When we left,shit was thrown in Hefty bags,and slammed in the back of our cars.

We took the scenic route home,and enjoyed the last bit of family time. I know Jess and them made it home too. We've decided to return to the same place,and the same sites this time next year! We had talked about going to the Gulf Coast,but this was cheaper,closer,and just wonderful. We made some new friends along the way,whom we hope will join us again,and we want to bring our friends the White's and family along too. It was surely one of the best vacations I've ever had. All the kids want to return as well.

Lesson's learned. Bring more goldbond,bandaides,and booze.
Casualties of camping, Nate's flip flops,Logan's shoes,and Caleb's glasses!


So watch out Energy Lake,the Clampitts,and the Brady Bunch will be back soon!!!