I'm in No Mood.

You've seen those commercials that say,"Life gotcha down?",right now Im kinda down.The mass under my arm has not gotten smaller,not gone away.My PC infact said I needed to see a surgeon to have it removed.That totally freaked me out.And pissed me off.she siad it had become a mass unto itself.with its own eco system for lack of a better term.NO,Its not cancer.Or at least,neither I,nor my PC is concerned that it is.She siad sometimes it just happens this way.that lancing them does not work.SO now I get to be potnetially put to sleep or at least heavily sedated for the surgeon to hack on my arm.I told my mom that I think its ridiculus.I have abd back,would benefit from surgery,I have acid reflux thats erroding my thorat,so theres probably an ulcer,but no,I have to go under for an armpit hair!Here I am trying to feel like a woman and its back fired!I think once Im given the green light to shave,and wear deoderant again,{f'ing gross,trust me,I know!}I'll take Mels advice and switch to Nair.Ahhh,womanhood!I dont know how Neil is putting up with me these days.Im in pain all day long,like a dull apin that just wont go away.I can only take the narcotics at night,after this kids are in bed,b/c it makes me loopy.But it does help me sleep.Ive still continued the diet pills.I didnt meet my 5lb goal this week.But I did loose 4 more lbs.Im only taking half a pill,to keep my appetite curbed.But I think as bad as Ive been feeling I could do away with them all toghether right now.I'm on super strong Augmentin,so I have to eat,or else pay the price with my tummy.TOnight,due to this mass,Im missing a social event Ive been looking forward to.Neils VBFF got married on a cruise at Thanksgiving and tonight theyre having a big swanky party in downtown Memphis.Ive been looking forward to no kids,dressed up with my hot hubby,and adult convo for weeks.Neil told his friend what was going on with me,and he understands if I'm a no show.I told Neil I could take a 1/2 a pain pill and suck it up,but he couldnt drink much,since there aint no way I could drive the 45 minutes back to his folks house after the medication.At this point I think Id be a stick in the mud who wanted to come home to bed at 9.But theres NO WAY, I want him to miss this.So,Neil told me Id have my own quiet party here at home.No kids,percocet,and both the internet and remote all to myself.And to treat myself for being puney I bought a copy of Revolutionary Road to read.So I will have a quiet night,sans hubby and the kids and REST.Ive been needing a break,but i was looking forward to that break with Neil.But I guess its not to be,at least not tonight.We do have an anniversary coming up,so maybe around then we can get our night out.I will know after Wed if I have to be hacked on,so the diet will have to be put on the back burner.But once I get the green light from the docs Ill be full speed ahead.My gaol date has changed from the first week of June to the last week of May.Neils ten year reunion is Memorial Day weekend.So as it stands Im sitting puney on 210.and for now thats how it will have to be,until I get hte rest of me straight.