Some of my thoughts on Marriage

So,right now in my life I know several couples who are having marital issues.Some have been married a long time,others have not.They vent out their frustrations to me.These are my women friends,so I only have a womans perspective on them.I personaly have been married before,and divorced.It was the best thing Ive ever done for me,besides having my babies,and my current marriage.In my divorce all those years ago,I learned I could stand on my own 2 feet,and make it.I had to work hard,and with help from family and firends to prove this to myself.The common issue Im hearing is that one is giving more than the other.And some of them,one spouce loves the other beyond belief and the other person does not seem to care too much.My conversations of late have been one sided,but I try to see the others side too and even at times,play devils advocate.To maybe put some perspective to them.I think some of the issues are,the expectaions of one spouse are diffrent than the others.What the wife expects the husband to do is not being done and vice versa.One person giving it all,and another just simply being there will not make it work.It takes 100% on both parties.Neil and I have had our ups and downs to be sure.But we have been able to talk about them and work out our issues.After talking to my friends,he and I have it pretty great.In marriage,you have to trust the other person.That means,no matter how hurt youve been in the past,you have to trust that your husband wont do anything without you that he wouldnt do with you.SOme things sometimes you wish he wouldnt.Like farting and fanning the covers,beer burping,and things of that nature.I call them cave man things,lol.Those should be reserved for just the guys.And we women shouldnt talk about bikinni waxes,and menstral cramps,and child brith.Guys dont care how long our firends were in labor or how long they had to push.they just want to know the outcome,moma nd baby healthy.Women want details.Men dont care.{not all men,and not in all subjects either,Im talking women talk.}I love Neil with every core of my being.Sometimes ppl dont understand that I put him first,even over my kids.If i just said that to you,you may think my kids dont rate,OH THEY DO.But I am also married to someone who wont do anything that wouldnt be considerate of my kids needs,even before their own.Ive heard,I cant be with someone who does not love me.Truer words have never been spoken.And its more than just saying I love you.Its the little things.Those things you toss out in anger when your arguing.they matter.As does Sex.I believe that that is one of the most wonderul parts of marriage.But it is not all the glue that holds it toghether.you can have a great sex life,and distain your spouce.Or you can haev a non existant one,but be madly in love.The marriage bed is a sacred place to me.Where you and your husband can do whatever you want with and to each other,and its not gonna get out all over town that you got a lil kinky.Sure,I may go to a few close friends and complainwhen we go through a dry spell,but its jsut to get ideas to spice it up.And when the dry spell is over,they wont know what ideas I used.Another thins is,you have to talk to each other.not yell,condesend,or nag.Sometimes Neil will tell me Im nagging him,and I dont even know thats what Im doing,nor do I think its what im doing.But if he feels that way,then Im glad he tells me,so I can stop.I think ppl just get so wrapped up int he day to day living,mowing the yard,cooking supper and doing the laundry that they forget they have a built in firend right there to vent it all out to.Some say ,well I just cant talk to him about that.Bull,You can.I mean they live with you,they can tell if soemthing is amiss,so who better to talk to than your husband?You dont know,maybe he feels the same way you do.It may be about diffrent things,like slacking off on housework,or yelling too much,but he will have his own things he wants to talk to you about.You have to be firends with your spouse.Neil is the only man I ever really loved Ican call my friend.I guess,that means I only had a taste of love and not the real thing until I met him.Some ppl believe in "the one".that one god preordained for you.I dont know that I believe that.I think there are diffrent ppl and diffrent realtionships for diffrent phases in your life.But when youve been through enough crap with other ppl to know what kind of person you do or dont want,then you settle down.Ppl change over time.But in marriage,you have to change tohgether.They say,Oh my spouce has changed.Im sure they have,havent you?I think life is about changing.Fundamentaly your still the same person.Your personality is the same,but likes and dislikes will change.You just have to talk to each other about it and GROW.If neither one of you can find a common ground,after trying,I mean BOTH parties,then if it still wont work,then you move on.And NO not with someone else,with YOurself.After a lenghty relationship or marriage,youve changed,youve hopefully grown up.I believe that if a party cheats,then there is your out.The trust you work hard to build is broken.Im not saying that once they do it,they will keep doing it.But I dont think you can ever trust that person again.So in the back of your mind,when your laying in bed at night,you would remeber that.I couldnt get past it.And to me thats a very valid reason to get divorced.ANd cheating to me and Neil both is not evn sleeping with someone else,but conversations with someone.Things you wouldnt say in front of your husband,b/c you have something to hide.thats wrong.we talked about all these things before we married.I ahd a lot of time to figure out what I wanted.And Im so glad God gave him to me.He and my children are my most precious gifts,He has ever given me.Life is way too short to spend it being unhappy.And if someone has exhausted themselves,and given their marriage their all and it still does not work,then its time to walk away.Point blank.At the time in your life when you married them,it was the right thing for you and he to do.But things happen that can't be undone.Ppl say and do things that sometimes can be moved forward from in that realtionship.But you do have to forgive them,if they ask you to.Its what the Bible says to do.But God does not want us miserable.
Im getting off my soap box.No,I dont have a "perfect " marriage.Who does.No matter how much you love someone,you'll want to brain them sometimes.Its just natural,lol.But NOT doing it,and working it out makes all the bull worth it.Growing together in love for the rest of your life.