MMM,Half Decaf

Im up at 6 this morning thanks to Levi,hollering MaaaaaMMMMAAAA!He calls me Dada too,but hwen he NEEDS me,Im Mama.So I got him up,cuddled with him for a bit and settled him on the couch with a cup and Blues Clues.Gotta Love Noggin.I checked my scales this morning.210.Im happy about that!I had to make an ER visit for myself on Tuesday for an infected hair follicle.If youve never had one,its horrible.Very painful.But thanks to 3 percocets over 3 days Im able to move around a bit this morning,and the high dose antibiotics.I got back to have it looked at this morning to my PC doc.We shall see what her scales say comapred to mine.I weight there with clothes on,and mine at home with none.I didnt take a diet pill yesterday,but felt so bad I didnt eat much,and when I did it was healthy.Before this hair thing knocked me on my butt I had thawed out a Turkey breast.Neil cooked it for us.It was awesome!He did a great job.So I nibbled on that,an apple and some cheese yesterday,and toast.I had to have some carbs on my tummy b/c of the antibiotics.They mess up my tummy.This morning though,I did take half a diet pill.I still gotta take it somewhat easy on my arm.It stinks too,b/c Levi thinks Im his personal jungle gym.Its supposed to be warm,as in upper 50's today,and if I feel up to it,we may take a walk.But right now,Im not going to push it,since Ive felt utterly miserable the last few days.Sometimes ya just want your Mama,and the past few days have been those days.It stinks that we live so far apart {4hrs} sometimes.But I digress.Ive joined a get healthy group on Facebook.the moderator is a great encoruager!I try to encourage her too.Some of my tribe has joined the group there too.She siad she bought a jump rope so even if the weather is bad,she can still get under the carport and get some exercise.I like that Idea.I dont like the thought of my fat flopping down at various intervals,for fear of shaking the house though,lol.Maybe Ill try that too,and reccomend it to my tribe.I havent really discussed weighloss with them over the past few days since Ive been sick.Crystal is going thorugh some health issues,but once they pass,and with Dr permission,she is going to try adipex.Shes on other meds that may not allow her to,but she hopes she can,just to kick start her.We talked last night about what put the weight on us.It seems like she and I follow each other like that.Even though we live 3 hrs apart.If shes thinner,I am,if shes heavy,I am too.Shes shorter than me by a bunch and stocky.But is very muscular and can carry a higher weight and it not be as noticable for someone else of her height.Alot of hers right now is fluid form health issues.But her doc has also told her she needs to get some lbs off.She can do it.I think part of the weightloss battle is figuring out why you gained so much in the first place.She knows,and so do I how the lbs were packed on.Eating too much,various meds,and sitting on our butts.So now,some of the meds cant change,but eating better and gettinc more active can.tam is up to 200 crunches.Not sure if Ive mentioned that or not.SHe has a 4 yar old and an infant.I asked her where she found time!he said when baby is sleeping and the oldest is watching Noggin or even napping herself.to me that takes WILLPOWER!When Levi naps,I normally do the dishes,or just sit on my butt.She is a good encoruager!!!My tribe and I can do this,one lb at a time!!!!!

Cooped Up!

Today is Saturday.It has been more than just a cold snap here in Dixieland.Its been cold.Freezing cold.So cold,in fact,Becky,whos from the Upper Pen. of Michigan,is taking to wearing a coat.So I ahev not been able to get out and walk!I felt like my energy levels were up when I did that.Kinda got me started.Welp,I havent felt like Ive gotten started over the last couple of days.My bedroom is still a mess,as I chose to chat on the phone non stop all day.I have recoonected with an old friend,and that to me was more important.But buddy i was marching all over the yard,trying to blow off a whole pill.Levi has not been sleeping good,so in turn,neither have I.ANd b/c hes not sleeping good,hes grumpy.Hes not sick either,hes just tired of being cooped up with me!He goes to the door and looks at me all pittyful like,and says in his head,But mom,the sun is shinning,im supposed to get to go out and play!But alas,its been too bloody cold to do that.I have tried working out on my ball to do crunches.Not happening.b/c hes not napping either!I know I sound whinny,but oh well.Im back to half a pill,but I think next wek,Ill be taking a whole one.The frigid air is supposed to clear out and be back in the upper 40's again.I can handle that with a coat and some gloves.Even the kids can too.Its been sunny fortuantly,if it had been dreary,Id have been ready to check myself in somewhere.I dont think its affected my moods too much.Im still goofy,and hostile.Nope,no change there.lol.I have been writting book long emails.But thats ok too.at least my hands will be fitter {is that a word?}.
Ok,for weight numbers.Its been a week,right? At this point,I couldnt tell ya.I weighed jsut a few ago,nude.My handy dandy,cheapo,Walmart scales say 213.So,3 lbs so far.I want to loose this stuff graudally.No,I lied,not really,I want to wake up and be 160.But Im supposed to take it off gradually.Thanks to even half a pill,I have not had the munchies too bad.Normally when its cold,Im baking up a storm and eating everything in sight.So theres that plus.Ive decided to weekly email my tribe with my own updates.In hopes to encoruage them.Tam was able to put on pants shes had stashed and to quote her,"didnt even have to lay on the bed to zip em up!" so snaps for Tam!Im proud.I havent talked to the others about it.Tam is down 5 this week,I think making her total 7 since we started our quest.Im down 9.SO yay for she and I.I really hope this cold air blows on outta here.Im going nuts!Every time I try to unlaod the Dishwasher Levi climbs up in it.So now theres 2 sinkfuls.Why not do it after the kids go to bed,pssshhhh!I just want to melt into the couch with the remote!Or Im so drained that I pass out shortly after they do.I normaly get up 2 hrs or so before they do,to get my bearings.Not in the last few days I havent.Mel saw me on web cam and told me I looked tired.Only a true friend can get away with stating the obvious!I probably look haggard at this point.I guess I have been getting a work out wrastling with Levi.My jaws are sore too.I guess its from clenching my teeth so much.at this point I dont know how much is from my nerves or the pills.Probably a lil of both.We will see what next week brings.....Until then.

I am Speed....

This morning Levi sang the too early bird song and comenced to hollering at 3:30.by the time i got him settled down it was 4 and i couldnt go back to sleep.So at 420ish it was outta bed for me.Ive just been taking half an adipex,but since I knew by noon Id be ready to crash,I took a whole one.We're having a cold snap here in Dixieland.As in it a windchill of 3 outside.Makes me long for California.Im sitting here at the kitchen window drinking half decaf planning my day.Ive been more active since taking the speedy pills.Thank goodness.I asked my friend Mel yesterday why Idecided to do this when it was so cold I couldnt get outside and blow off some steam.So Ive taken to tackeling my house.Since Neil works nights and Im on days,there is always someone in our bed or room,the stuff piles up in there too.When I dont know where to put something,thats where it goes.To be put way,Lord knows where,at a later date.I guess with a high forcasted today of 22,yes 22,today is that later date.I am loosing weight!Yay.But yesterday I caved and ate a cheeseburger.jake had a good report card,so I treated him to a sonic sunday.The temptation was too much.Mom told me not to be too hard on myself,that it would be ok,lol.Im trying not to weigh myself everyday,but its hard not to.Ive been doing ab work.Ive never had a belly until now.I love my big ole ball for that.I have a bad back,and crunching on the ball does not hurt,but i can feel the burn.Yay.Tam has lost 5 lbs!Im so proud of her!Shes been doing 6 times the crunches I have.I keep telling her not to overdo it,since she had a C section in late nov.She says she stops if it gets too bad.I dont want her hurting herself.Its flat too cold to get out and walk right now.my blood is THIN,I tell ya.
So,I had to pause for a potty break.I weighed too.Writting about it got me thinking about it.Im down some more.But since I caved yesterday,I dont want to tempt my luck and write the number just yet.I think Im gonna only give numbers once a week.I dont want to get excited on wednesday about 1 lb,only to have it back on thursday.Im also not alone in this.My oldest friend,Heather has joined the tribe too.Shes in South Louisianna.Crystal has decided to join me too.Who knows what the 4 of us can do,now that we've put our minds to it.We all have diffrent numbers we want to get to,as we are all built so diffrent.Mel even wants to drop 10lbs.Not as much as the rest of us,but shes going to be in the tribe too.We may just loose a whole person between us!the bottom line is we want to get healthier.
So today I will be cleaning like a mad woman.I told Neil to just stay out of my way and he was on baby duty for a while.lol.It stinks that it is so sunny and pretty but freezing cold.Id be power walking.Instead Im off to tackle the biggest mess,all the while thinking,number 1,I can celan this mess up and number 2,im burning off the cheeseburger.It was only a Jr.burger,not the Double bacon one I wanted.Heather hit sonic last night to,for her last supper,lol.Shes starting back to weight watchers.It works for her,like a slim fast has been for me.Tam is working out,and with 2 small children both at home all day,she gets plenty.Shes also drinking nothing but water either adn the occasional glass of decaf sweet tea.Im not sure what Crystals plan of action is,yet.Its still in the works.I suggested slim fast to Mel,since she does not have that much she wants to get off.So we're all going about it our diffrent ways.Im proud of us already.Its all in my head,as in not telling my elbow to take that bite......

Some of my thoughts on Marriage

So,right now in my life I know several couples who are having marital issues.Some have been married a long time,others have not.They vent out their frustrations to me.These are my women friends,so I only have a womans perspective on them.I personaly have been married before,and divorced.It was the best thing Ive ever done for me,besides having my babies,and my current marriage.In my divorce all those years ago,I learned I could stand on my own 2 feet,and make it.I had to work hard,and with help from family and firends to prove this to myself.The common issue Im hearing is that one is giving more than the other.And some of them,one spouce loves the other beyond belief and the other person does not seem to care too much.My conversations of late have been one sided,but I try to see the others side too and even at times,play devils advocate.To maybe put some perspective to them.I think some of the issues are,the expectaions of one spouse are diffrent than the others.What the wife expects the husband to do is not being done and vice versa.One person giving it all,and another just simply being there will not make it work.It takes 100% on both parties.Neil and I have had our ups and downs to be sure.But we have been able to talk about them and work out our issues.After talking to my friends,he and I have it pretty great.In marriage,you have to trust the other person.That means,no matter how hurt youve been in the past,you have to trust that your husband wont do anything without you that he wouldnt do with you.SOme things sometimes you wish he wouldnt.Like farting and fanning the covers,beer burping,and things of that nature.I call them cave man things,lol.Those should be reserved for just the guys.And we women shouldnt talk about bikinni waxes,and menstral cramps,and child brith.Guys dont care how long our firends were in labor or how long they had to push.they just want to know the outcome,moma nd baby healthy.Women want details.Men dont care.{not all men,and not in all subjects either,Im talking women talk.}I love Neil with every core of my being.Sometimes ppl dont understand that I put him first,even over my kids.If i just said that to you,you may think my kids dont rate,OH THEY DO.But I am also married to someone who wont do anything that wouldnt be considerate of my kids needs,even before their own.Ive heard,I cant be with someone who does not love me.Truer words have never been spoken.And its more than just saying I love you.Its the little things.Those things you toss out in anger when your arguing.they matter.As does Sex.I believe that that is one of the most wonderul parts of marriage.But it is not all the glue that holds it toghether.you can have a great sex life,and distain your spouce.Or you can haev a non existant one,but be madly in love.The marriage bed is a sacred place to me.Where you and your husband can do whatever you want with and to each other,and its not gonna get out all over town that you got a lil kinky.Sure,I may go to a few close friends and complainwhen we go through a dry spell,but its jsut to get ideas to spice it up.And when the dry spell is over,they wont know what ideas I used.Another thins is,you have to talk to each other.not yell,condesend,or nag.Sometimes Neil will tell me Im nagging him,and I dont even know thats what Im doing,nor do I think its what im doing.But if he feels that way,then Im glad he tells me,so I can stop.I think ppl just get so wrapped up int he day to day living,mowing the yard,cooking supper and doing the laundry that they forget they have a built in firend right there to vent it all out to.Some say ,well I just cant talk to him about that.Bull,You can.I mean they live with you,they can tell if soemthing is amiss,so who better to talk to than your husband?You dont know,maybe he feels the same way you do.It may be about diffrent things,like slacking off on housework,or yelling too much,but he will have his own things he wants to talk to you about.You have to be firends with your spouse.Neil is the only man I ever really loved Ican call my friend.I guess,that means I only had a taste of love and not the real thing until I met him.Some ppl believe in "the one".that one god preordained for you.I dont know that I believe that.I think there are diffrent ppl and diffrent realtionships for diffrent phases in your life.But when youve been through enough crap with other ppl to know what kind of person you do or dont want,then you settle down.Ppl change over time.But in marriage,you have to change tohgether.They say,Oh my spouce has changed.Im sure they have,havent you?I think life is about changing.Fundamentaly your still the same person.Your personality is the same,but likes and dislikes will change.You just have to talk to each other about it and GROW.If neither one of you can find a common ground,after trying,I mean BOTH parties,then if it still wont work,then you move on.And NO not with someone else,with YOurself.After a lenghty relationship or marriage,youve changed,youve hopefully grown up.I believe that if a party cheats,then there is your out.The trust you work hard to build is broken.Im not saying that once they do it,they will keep doing it.But I dont think you can ever trust that person again.So in the back of your mind,when your laying in bed at night,you would remeber that.I couldnt get past it.And to me thats a very valid reason to get divorced.ANd cheating to me and Neil both is not evn sleeping with someone else,but conversations with someone.Things you wouldnt say in front of your husband,b/c you have something to hide.thats wrong.we talked about all these things before we married.I ahd a lot of time to figure out what I wanted.And Im so glad God gave him to me.He and my children are my most precious gifts,He has ever given me.Life is way too short to spend it being unhappy.And if someone has exhausted themselves,and given their marriage their all and it still does not work,then its time to walk away.Point blank.At the time in your life when you married them,it was the right thing for you and he to do.But things happen that can't be undone.Ppl say and do things that sometimes can be moved forward from in that realtionship.But you do have to forgive them,if they ask you to.Its what the Bible says to do.But God does not want us miserable.
Im getting off my soap box.No,I dont have a "perfect " marriage.Who does.No matter how much you love someone,you'll want to brain them sometimes.Its just natural,lol.But NOT doing it,and working it out makes all the bull worth it.Growing together in love for the rest of your life.

The Awful Truth

Its 6 am and I didnt sleep.I didnt get too much sleep the night before either since Levi climbed out of his toddler bed and was wandering the hall going eeeeaaaatttt,POP TART.But last night I did get to hang out with hubby and just relax a bit.Yesterday I made a step in weight loss.I went to the Diet Doc and got adipex.Im going to talk real numbers now,since my SAHM blog is turning into my journal of hopeful weight loss.I got the little white and blue specked pills called comoonly as Adipex.When I weighed there their scales said 216.Yes,IM not scared to admit it anymore.Its b/c for over a year my number has been 220 and upwards.At my last check up,right before Christmas the Doc scales said 222.which was down from 227.So you can see,Im a big lady.I am 5'7,but still,those are high numbers.Numbers I want smaller.Those few lbs have given me motivation.This morning on my own scales it siad 217.So I think Im going with the doc.Becky told me that was great,that the doc scales normally wiegh heavy.The diet plan per the docs office is low carb.Im not sure how I can follow that to the T,but Im going to try.They also say no milk,yogurt,and cream cheese.Blah on that.I have to eat yogurt to keep other things in balance,know what I mean.the Yoplait fat free stuff is divine!So,this morning I took 1/2 a 37.5 mg pill and we will see what happens.Im proud that ive already started loosing wweight on my own.The adipex does make me moody,and when I asked my counselor about that,she told me to eat.That the pills make you not hungrey,so you dont eat,and by the end of the day you bottom out.I know this for a fact,b/c Ive taken it before.So I will eat,to keep my blood sugar up,at least a bit.I asked about what a weight goal should be for mya ge and height.She was encouraging and siad not to focus on numbers right now.Just focus on getting my 32 BMI down below 25 I think it was.Smaller numbers,I see where they were going with that.Im not saying I cant do this with out the peppy pills,but I want that jump start.I took it for 2 months before,lost 20 on it,then loast 10 on my own over the next 2 months.Then shorty after I was maintiang that,I got pregnant with Levi.Then I breastfed,then Lexapro.All the while being happily married to Mr.Right.Becky reminded me of this,so I didnt feel so bad for being so big.Shes right,and a great friend.Tam wont take the pills,but she did loose 2lbs this week,so YAY TAm!She will be the one to tell me get off my butt and walk!I need that from her too,and Ill be the one givng her lower cal recipes,b/c I need to mother her.lol.Its a system of Checks and balances.For me,It think I will watch my carbs,but not kill myself if I cave and eat a tater.NOt a TATER CHIP,just a spud,with moveover butter and light sour cream.I had the munchies after dinner last night so I ate a handful of pretzels dipped in mustard.I guess Im trying to train myself to eat sour instead of sweet.One of hte pieces of literature from the doc said dont let a 3 inch squared muscle control you.as in my craving for sweets and hi fat things.made sence to me.And I can continue to take my celexa while on this.Becky said it made her firend be a raving phycho taking both.We will see.I can also take the occasional nerve pill Ive had stashed away from the dentist too.I was honest with the Doc about the meds I take and why I take them.I dont want to screw me up b/c I need a buzz.Today is not day one for me,but it is a new start on my new quest.I channeling Bridgett Jones when I write this...I know it will make me smoke more,but Im not giving that up,just yet.But I did do my half caf blend this am on coffee.Its COLD outside,so I hope instead of waling today we break out the Wii and go bowling later.Family fun for everyone....

MOTIVATED!!!!

So my friend Crystal posted pics of me,her,and another old friend up on her facebook from 3 years ago.Man I was smoking hot!I had dropped like 30lbs!I want to look like that again,but 30 has turned into 60.Can I do it???Yes I can,{thank you Mr.Obabma}.Im trying to eat lower fat and calories.I want to go back on Adipex soooo freaking bad its unreal.But Neil has begged me not to.SO now after looking at pics of me from when he and I were dating,I want to look like that agaon.Not just for me,but him too.I know,not so femenist to say that,but I do want to look good for my man.He says Im beautiful now,Gotta love a man who will say that.we both got on the scales the other day and I weigh more than him.a man who is 6'0 and Im heavier.Somethings gotta give!!!Crystal is going to send me some ALli,that new stuff thats FDA approved.But per the pharmacist,it wont make me buzz.I know I put this weight on,and i can get it off.But I do know I need help.I had a craving for a grwas cheeseburger the other day,and Tam thankfully talked me out of it.So i ate pretzels instead!hardly the same,but at least it was better than a bacon cheeseburger from Sonic.I think Im gonna show Neil the pics,and tell him that I want to be like that again.Maybe he'lll change his mind and let me try.The days of popping a few gas staion mini thins are gone,since they took ephedra off the shelf.I could live on those things,and party all night.I dont do that anymore either,thank Heaven.I guess I have to adapt to my new life and body better,but Id like to do it thinner.NOT skinny mind you,just healthier!!!!

NEW YEAR,NEW ME

So,with my ten year high school reunion looming over my head,and the 60 lbs Ive gianed since then,I want to get slimmer.No,not skinny.I'll never be skinny.At 5'7 I can handle a few extra lbs,but right now i dont feel good about ME.So Im going on a diet,OH more dreaded words,and Im going to get more active.I begged my PC dr for adipex.but she declined,due to the fact that i take Celexa.that and it makes me even more moody than I already am.But it does make me zoom.The pharmacist said i could take alli,but that stuff is 50 bucks.50 that in these days I dont have.So now its Equate shake for breakfast,simple lunch and smaller dinner.I was reading in People about protion size.I figured if i could half my portion size,I could loose weight.Neil has decided to build me a custom stroller,so I dont have to bend while pushing Levi around the block.Im tall and I think strollers are made for hte average 5'4 woman.I have a buddy in this too named Tam.She just had a baby,so shes motivated too.SHe suggested while trimming down,I cut back on caffine.I tried htat last week,since I do drink at least 2 heaping cups of coffee everymoring.I mixed decaf in withmy regular Community between roast.NOT HAPPENING.I felt like a blob.I can do decaf tea though.but in the AM i need my morning jolt.So Im not going fat free on everything,but lower fat,and healthier.I hope I can do this.I CAN!!!!I want to.I want to get back down in my 14's again.Im nto gonna give up smoking right now.Cant have my system in too much schock.I did get a big ball to do crunches on.it came with a dvd.So I reckon later Ill be popping it in.Blah!My down fall is dairy.Icecream,cream cheese,adn regular cheese.So I bought Light of all that.the 2% cheese is really good.Ive been munching on nuts instead of chips,and eating a turkey sandwich with light mayo and plenty of mustard.I already have cut out sugar in my mroing coffee in place of slpenda.I did that over the summer,when I tried Atkins.I bought fat free yougurt too.Im trying.Thank Heaven Ben for Ben and Jerrys fro Yo.I got out the pint the other night and my kids were standing in front of me like pidgeons.So I shard with them,ate a few bites,and actually got the same satisfaction of eating half a tub of Chunky Monkey at one sitting.Im not going to count calories,but i will be wathcing what i eat,and adding more veggies and fruit.We dont eat fried stuff anyway,due to my acid reflux.and we eat whole grain breads too.Neil likes white,Jakes likes wheat,so I buy the white wheat,everybody wins.I an thankful to Tam for her encouragement,and I hope I can give it to her too.SHe and I can do this!!!I ve already lost 2lbs,so small steps!!!!